just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
