we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
