no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
