She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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