i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
