i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
should my penis look like a turkey
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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