there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
