Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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