You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
