i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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