You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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