I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
