I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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