yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i dont even know how to be here
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
