She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I could fuck to npr.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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