it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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