I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
