Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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