She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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