I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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