My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
