that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
