I can text with my tongue
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
