Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
