i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
