is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
