so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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