12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
