so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
