I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we're so committed to being not committed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
