does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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