I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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