With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
