I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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