I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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