I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
