Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
