i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
