i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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