She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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