Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
