I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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