Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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