Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
