I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
