why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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