The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
