i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
