Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
