Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
