I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
