I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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