It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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