Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
