I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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