Your tits are I can't wait for
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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