After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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