Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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