Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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