the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
