how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
