I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
