How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
