She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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