You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
