...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
